Bucket of Cheese Sandwhich

73-73-3 brings.... 7-8-1...

• TB -13 vs. Oakland - man I jumped on Houston's bwagon last week and saw Oakland rise up. Why in the fuck did I ever, ever, ever do that. I'm so gullible. Im a rube extreme. Still, TB hasn't cached in completely yet have they? They prolly have, but whatev.


• GB -10.5 v. Detroit - GB doesn't want to lose to Det at home, even if Det. is desparate. This is one funny/sorry-ass game. 0-16. GB, make it happen. Oh, and they will... they will.


• Dallas +1.5 @ Philly - I fucking love this line. I eat it for lunch. Dallas is just fine thank you. They played a kick ass Baltimore team last week. Asside from those 2 freak running plays, their D is solid as shit, blitz crazy, and they will SMASH philly and do great in the playoffs. I LOVE this line.


• GMen +7 @ Minny - I love this too. I'd take GMEN money line, regardless of who isn't playing and the need-to-win Minny mentality.


• Chicago +2.5 @ Houston - antoher line I love. Fuck houston, they're sickly bad.


• NO +3 vs. Carolina - sorry to say Carolina is doomed.


• ATL -14 vs. St Louis


• KC +3 @ Cincy - true garbage time. Aint playin for coach's job - they both gone. Avoid.


• Jax +12.5 @ Baltimore - whatever. Avoid big time. Jax is fucking embarrasing. D Crohns Disease Loose Bowell Gerrard REALLY should be out of a job next year. This fucking stout little meat head is really one of the worst QBs in the league. God, that shit for brains performance against the Colts was really embarrasing. He let his team down, showing himself as the week link on that squad. Can that fool. Can him NOW and god forbid any other team should give him a shot. He truly is worse than Byron Sandwich. Sick in bed, wanting some entertainment, I witnessed the most cringe worthy game of the year so far. And Gerrard is to blame. Awful. Just awful. Belongs on a college team with a small head like that.


• Ten -3 @ Indi - I really have no idea. Dungy Im sure will throw in the towel. He's never learned his lesson and why would he start this year. Ten is in for a HUGE let down but Dungy just can't resist giving up, no matter what. Dungy is awful. This could be on of the sloppiest games of the year and won't help either team do well in the playoffs.


• Pit -11 vs Cleve - gross game. I hate Pitt. I hate Mike Tomlin. I hate Ben Booger. I hate Pitts fans. I hate Pitt.


• Miami +2.5 @ Jets - really? Vegas thinks the Jets will somehow come back to win this when they are verily out of the playoffs anyway? Favre is done. Mangini should be done. Jets will be awful next year, much as they always really were this year. Somehow they beat the Titans.... Miami is more for real than you can ever know. The oddsmakers must be Pats fans. Same Pats fan writers that love to rip on Miami as the bastard child of their beloved division. Im rooting so hard for the Dolphins here you have no idea. Fuck you New England. I'll be delighted and savor every syllable in the coming weeks as I listen to every sports writer in NFC/AFC East lovin America bitch that the NFL is broken after the Pats miss the playoffs.


• New England -6 @ Buff - that said, the Pats do belong in the playoffs. All the sweeter that they miss em.


• Arizona -6.5 vs SEA - have fun next year Jim Mora Jr. Jim, you suck, and look vaguely like McNulty in "The Wire."


• SFO -3 vs. WAS


• SD -8 vs. Denver

80-81-4 going into playoffs. Ugly.  That means after commission I'd be down about 11.25 units of bet, like, if I bet 100 a game every line I picked I'd be down 1125 bones.

Playoff Edition: 

I really would like to take all the road teams, (all favorites), here, but I just won't. Seems too easy and there figure to be some unexpected results.

• Cards +2.5 vs. Falcs - too many people dumping on cards. Seems too obvious here doesn't it.
• Indi -1 @ Chargers
• Baltimore -3 @ Miami - favorite line of the week
• Vikes +3 vs. Philly - We'll im not picking more than 2 road faves, sorry... 

crap

crapola

Here's how I think the playoff will play out SU. This week's ATS picks follow.

AFC

Bolts over Colts - can't wait for the Patriots dick sucking crowd to eat their toxic sputum back up after San Diego raises havoc in the playoffs.
Ravens over Dolphins - blowout

Titans over Ravens
Chargers over Pitts

Titans over Chargers


NFC

Carolina over AZ - yes, Carolina chokes way into #5 seat only to be revitalized by the worst playoff team in history.
Cowboys over Bears

Giants over Cowboys
Carolina over Atlanta

Giants over Carolina - Carolina's D gets destroyed even worse than the 300yd schelacking of last week, and this time the offense doesn't keep pace.

Titans over Giants - no 2 in a row for Eli - call it the revenge of Kerry Collins game.


My dream Superbowl would be Chargers & Panthers - two nationally-hated teams. The AFC/NFC East Sports Media Mafia would do nothing but whine for weeks on end about how broken the NFL was for whatever reason. It would be bad for the sport, but not in a bad way, get it? If the Titans can sneak in, and, say, the Ravens, that will make for plenty of bitch headlines too. Pitts, Giants, Cowboys, Bears, Colts - all these teams will make the sports mob happy and I hope none of them make it to the Big Sombrero, Raymond James Stadium.


Last week:


Indi -6 @ Jax - the DFAMWI Pick O' the Week
Baltimore +4 @ Dallas - I really like this line. This could be the week that Dallas gets knocked out of the playoffs? Who do they finish with? @ Philly right? Perfect.
Pit -1 @ Tennessee - don't want to overreact but I'm not sure I like where the Titans are headed. Now Pit, their offense is just really bad and it might, I stress might, one day catch up to them. Really Pitt shouldn't worry though, the spectre of Dave Wannstedt accross town ensures that the Refs will give them any luck they need to seal the deal.
Miami -4 @ KC
New England -7.5 vs. Arizona - I'm sorry to say I have to pick this line this way. Wouldn't complain if I'm wrong, oh so very wrong.
Cinci +3 @ Cleveland
Philli -5 @ Washington, the imploding team with NO offense.
SFO -5 @ St. Louis
Minny -3 vs. Atl - not sure if this is the right pick. Have a gut feeling to with M Ryan and ATL but,,, no.
Detroit +6.5 vs. NO - this COULD be the week! Go Dante!
Carolina +3 @ NYG - gimpy giants falling apart. Leave it to Carolina to lay an egg though right? This is a huge game. If Carolina wins this and locks homefield throughout, I'd have a hard time saying they weren't superbowl faves. Have to go on the road? Trouble city. Still, in my estimation, you don't want the Cowboys on your side of the bracket if they ending up making it to the playoffs. And the winner of this one figures to get them in their first game, (the second round), of the playoffs. It's even more tenuous for Carolina. Although a win here, even with a loss next week, gives Carolina homefield throughout, there's still the possibility, not even so remote, that losses here and next week leaves Carolina out of the playoffs entirely!
Seattle +5 vs Jets - could this be the game that ends Favre's career? Stick it to him Mike.
Houston -7 @ Oakland
Denver -7 vs. Buf - too bad. Would like to see mediocre SD upset TB and play mediocre Denver getting upset here for the AFC West followed by Chargers vic.
Chargers +3 @ TB - if Garcia is still hurt the TB Bucs are in serious troub troub. Although their D seemed to recover well last week, symbolically the pounding they took against Carolina might have been the blow they will never rebound from.
Chicago -4 vs. GB - Monday Night Dud


6-9 - another horrible week. Makes the season 73-73-3. Well under money back level after commission. Gag.

Moving on: perhaps a clean sweep will power me to break even after commision, although i think i'll need even more. Briefly glancing at these lines makes me optimistic. Despite the fact that it's sometimes tricky in this garbage time of the year, I think I can clean up this week.

• TB -13 vs. Oakland - man I jumped on Houston's bwagon last week and saw Oakland rise up. Why in the fuck did I ever, ever, ever do that. I'm so gullible. Im a rube extreme. Still, TB hasn't cached in completely yet have they? They prolly have, but whatev.


• GB -10.5 v. Detroit - GB doesn't want to lose to Det at home, even if Det. is desparate. This is one funny/sorry-ass game. 0-16. GB, make it happen. Oh, and they will... they will.


• Dallas +1.5 @ Philly - I fucking love this line. I eat it for lunch. Dallas is just fine thank you. They played a kick ass Baltimore team last week. Asside from those 2 freak running plays, their D is solid as shit, blitz crazy, and they will SMASH philly and do great in the playoffs. I LOVE this line.


• GMen +7 @ Minny - I love this too. I'd take GMEN money line, regardless of who isn't playing and the need-to-win Minny mentality.


• Chicago +2.5 @ Houston - antoher line I love. Fuck houston, they're sickly bad.


• NO +3 vs. Carolina - sorry to say Carolina is doomed.


• ATL -14 vs. St Louis


• KC +3 @ Cincy - true garbage time. Aint playin for coach's job - they both gone. Avoid.


• Jax +12.5 @ Baltimore - whatever. Avoid big time. Jax is fucking embarrasing. D Crohns Disease Loose Bowell Gerrard REALLY should be out of a job next year. This fucking stout little meat head is really one of the worst QBs in the league. God, that shit for brains performance against the Colts was really embarrasing. He let his team down, showing himself as the week link on that squad. Can that fool. Can him NOW and god forbid any other team should give him a shot. He truly is worse than Byron Sandwich. Sick in bed, wanting some entertainment, I witnessed the most cringe worthy game of the year so far. And Gerrard is to blame. Awful. Just awful. Belongs on a college team with a small head like that.


• Ten -3 @ Indi - I really have no idea. Dungy Im sure will throw in the towel. He's never learned his lesson and why would he start this year. Ten is in for a HUGE let down but Dungy just can't resist giving up, no matter what. Dungy is awful. This could be on of the sloppiest games of the year and won't help either team do well in the playoffs.


• Pit -11 vs Cleve - gross game. I hate Pitt. I hate Mike Tomlin. I hate Ben Booger. I hate Pitts fans. I hate Pitt.


• Miami +2.5 @ Jets - really? Vegas thinks the Jets will somehow come back to win this when they are verily out of the playoffs anyway? Favre is done. Mangini should be done. Jets will be awful next year, much as they always really were this year. Somehow they beat the Titans.... Miami is more for real than you can ever know. The oddsmakers must be Pats fans. Same Pats fan writers that love to rip on Miami as the bastard child of their beloved division. Im rooting so hard for the Dolphins here you have no idea. Fuck you New England. I'll be delighted and savor every syllable in the coming weeks as I listen to every sports writer in NFC/AFC East lovin America bitch that the NFL is broken after the Pats miss the playoffs.


• New England -6 @ Buff - that said, the Pats do belong in the playoffs. All the sweeter that they miss em.


• Arizona -6.5 vs SEA - have fun next year Jim Mora Jr. Jim, you suck, and look vaguely like McNulty in "The Wire."


• SFO -3 vs. WAS


• SD -8 vs. Denver

Worst NFL teams - fuck you and yours you fuck clowns. You suck ass bitch fuck clowns.

1. Steelers

2. Pats

penultimate nfl regular season week city

Haven't been doing to well lately. 62-55-1 + 5-9-2 = 67-64-3. Under .500 a good bit when you consider at -110 payout. I'm officially in the red after having the hot hand for so many weeks. This is monkey out of a hat territory again.

Beating the spread asside for a second, this is a big weekend in the NFL SU. Both top teams in their respective conferences vying for perma-homefield vs. each other + Baltimore @ Dallas. Looking forward to this and we should know about virtually everything playoff-wise except for perhaps the AFC East and its bevy of mediocre cooked goose squads.

So here we go, trying to end strong, and at least get in the black after the -110 commission fee.

• Indi -6 @ Jax - the DFAMWI Pick O' the Week
• Baltimore +4 @ Dallas - I really like this line. This could be the week that Dallas gets knocked out of the playoffs? Who do they finish with? @ Philly right? Perfect.
• Pit -1 @ Tennessee - don't want to overreact but I'm not sure I like where the Titans are headed. Now Pit, their offense is just really bad and it might, I stress might, one day catch up to them. Really Pitt shouldn't worry though, the spectre of Dave Wannstedt accross town ensures that the Refs will give them any luck they need to seal the deal.
• Miami -4 @ KC
• New England -7.5 vs. Arizona - I'm sorry to say I have to pick this line this way. Wouldn't complain if I'm wrong, oh so very wrong.
• Cinci +3 @ Cleveland
• Philli -5 @ Washington, the imploding team with NO offense.
• SFO -5 @ St. Louis
• Minny -3 vs. Atl - not sure if this is the right pick. Have a gut feeling to with M Ryan and ATL but,,, no.
• Detroit +6.5 vs. NO - this COULD be the week! Go Dante!
• Carolina +3 @ NYG - gimpy giants falling apart. Leave it to Carolina to lay an egg though right? This is a huge game. If Carolina wins this and locks homefield throughout, I'd have a hard time saying they weren't superbowl faves. Have to go on the road? Trouble city. Still, in my estimation, you don't want the Cowboys on your side of the bracket if they ending up making it to the playoffs. And the winner of this one figures to get them in their first game, (the second round), of the playoffs. It's even more tenuous for Carolina. Although a win here, even with a loss next week, gives Carolina homefield throughout, there's still the possibility, not even so remote, that losses here and next week leaves Carolina out of the playoffs entirely!
• Seattle +5 vs Jets - could this be the game that ends Favre's career? Stick it to him Mike.
• Houston -7 @ Oakland
• Denver -7 vs. Buf - too bad. Would like to see mediocre SD upset TB and play mediocre Denver getting upset here for the AFC West followed by Chargers vic.
• Chargers +3 @ TB - if Garcia is still hurt the TB Bucs are in serious troub troub. Although their D seemed to recover well last week, symbolically the pounding they took against Carolina might have been the blow they will never rebound from.
• Chicago -4 vs. GB - Monday Night Dud

insta-reckoning featuring shit beans

• Hawks -2.5 @ Rams. Honestly, Hawks have showed signs of life at times, while the Rams just don't play because they are dysfunctional. Then again, be honest Timmy, have you actually see the Rams play this year?
• Cards -3.5 @ Vikes. It's so easy for the group-think masses at ESPN and crew to jizz down our throats with this NFC West is weak bullshit analysis. In this matchup, the NFC North, what with Chicago!! ohhh Chicago!!!!, might as well be the fucking NFC or AFC East. You cock-chuggers - Arizona is such a better team than the Vikes it's not close. Without their QB and on the road Vikes will eat turds, Cards having clinched or not.
  • New Orleans +3 @ Chicago - I know the NFC South is bunk on the road, and the Saints consistently dissapoint, but is there a weaker team in the playoff hunt than Chicago right now? Please, no there isn't, or I don't eat tacos, taco salads, burritos, etc. Ok, I didn't look, but now I did, and this pick is buyoed by New Orleans' 9-4 ATS record. Fuck Chicago. Lovie Smith and Kyle Orton will both find themselves out of a job eventually; if I was a Chi fan I'd hope it'd be at the end of this season. I really like this pick.
  • Greenbay -1.5 @ Jax - GB might still have a tad to play for right? Even if they don't...
  • Indi -17 vs. Detroit - let's think about this for a bit. Detroit hasn't been blown out much at all, and Indi has blown out everyone. Indi can't really rest on it's laurels though with Baltimore and Pitts crushing it up - unless they want the last playoff spot, which is a Tony Dungyesque thing to want. Maybe Tony will just sit his starters right now, assured of the lowest spot. Got I hate Tony Dungy's style. Couldn't Peyton be served by a better coach? Did he waste his career under this chump? Both teams have gotten crushed by the spread this week. I'm so tempted to take Detroit but... No, no way. Indi by 24.
  • Washington -7 @ Cinci - keep hope alive. Cinci putrescent. Washington just can't score points but Cinci might be the worst team in the league despite records? Another wildcard game considering both teams have gotten crushed by the spread this year indicating extreme inconsistency. Avoid this matchup.
  • Atlanta -3 vs. Tampa - the home team prevails yet again in the NFC South. Atlanta looked great in a loss @ NO last week, and let's face it, Tampa's D got SMOOSHED last night @ Carolina but Garcia's kids were still very much in the game up until the last quarter... or were they. No they weren't. Look out, Tampa's stock in falling. They get two gimme games @ home to finish the season, and if/when they make the playoffs I'd be salivating to play them in the first round.
  • Miami -6.5 vs. SFO - this is a lot of points the way SF has been playing but Miami needs it and at home they get it. Miami's beating SF well this year in terms of ATS performance. Pick buyoed.
  • Jets -7 @ Buf - Jets might be fucking getting crumpled up like a grocery store brand soda can, but the Bills are playing along. Adios Bills. NFC East: most overrated conference in the NFL. No surprise why. It's always been a media darling, a close second to the NFC East. But the NFC East might just actually be worth a shit.
  • Ten -3 @ Houston - not too convinced Houston is anything really. Ten never getting respect deserved. Easy pick for me here regardless of home field, momentum, need to win, whatever. Ten is a silly 11-1-1 ATS! Gimme a break Vegas. Time to eat some more free cash. PICK OF THE WEEK.
  • Pit +2 @ Baltimore - let's not get carried away here. Struggles as they've had, Cowboys offense crushes Baltimore. Pits will handle it fine. Pitts offense troubled but we'll just see. This is a sketch pick and I love to bet against the Steelers but I think they'll win this one. Baltimore is gonna be lit up for a vic. here but I just don't see it comin', much as I'd like to. Baltimore is really good ATS but I think Pits is gonna mean serious business here and the O is going to get their shit together. Still, avoid this matchup.
  • Carolina -7.5 vs. Denver - I continually hedge the Panthers pride by betting against them ATS. Denver is great on the road. Carolina is great at home. Carolina really needs this but will they be looking forward to next week @ Giants already? I just dunno. How is Denver's run D? It's bad. hmm. Nope, I'm sticking with Denver here. No wait I'm not. Edit: pick changed. Wait, wait again. Who has Denver beat on the road this year? Atlanta by 4, Jets (looking shitty), and LOST @ KC. Fuck that. Carolina for sure. Was going to say avoid this pick due to Denver extreme schizophrenia, but more and more the Jets win is bunk, ATL abberation and the AFC West is just weak, weak sauce.
    
  • San Diego -5.5 @ KC - They still have hope. Blowout here. Although, KC is a surprising 7-5 ATS. Arrowhead is good to them right? Hmmmmmm.
  • New England -7 @ Oakland - strangely enough, Oakland would lose to the Seahawks by 14. Plus Seneca had a big game this week, Pats still pulled it out by 4. Like this pick.
  • Dallas -3 vs. NYG - NYG in trouble? On the road? Dallas played a fucking sick Pitts D last week and Tashard Choice was still up to the task. NYG injured/shot etc. Look like Dallas has something to play for though their schedule is brutal. I like this one a bit, surprisingly. NYG choke city?
  • Cleveland +14 @ Philly - Philly please. They are NOT playing like the best team in the NFL previous 2 weeks. NYG folded and the victory over whoever it was the week before was BS too. Philly could be the ultimate darkhorse but they gotta show me more, a lot more. Philly is surprisingly decent ATS but... Philly is 5-2 ATS at home lately, Cleveland 4-1 ATS on the road. Avoid this matchup, as with all 14 pts-esque lines in the NFL.
    

5-8-2 going into MNF. Ugly. Getting worse.

2 Games and a Bowl of Beans

Two NFL games were left out of the mix. Since Im lazy and havent been able to write up bowls we'll probably do those on a night-before basis.

• Hawks -2.5 @ Rams. Honestly, Hawks have showed signs of life at times, while the Rams just don't play because they are dysfunctional. Then again, be honest Timmy, have you actually see the Rams play this year?
• Cards -3.5 @ Vikes. It's so easy for the group-think masses at ESPN and crew to jizz down our throats with this NFC West is weak bullshit analysis. In this matchup, the NFC North, what with Chicago!! ohhh Chicago!!!!, might as well be the fucking NFC or AFC East. You cock-chuggers - Arizona is such a better team than the Vikes it's not close. Without their QB and on the road Vikes will eat turds, Cards having clinched or not.
  

College Bowl Blowout Party featuring Richie Sexson and Adrian Beltre - First 10 Bowls

It's one of the truly fun times of the year for a bettor. We can bet bowls. We can bet props on bowls. We can do bowl pools. We will be doing all of this here. We'll predict the winner ATS as always, then we'll go Glenallen Hill style, fall down a flight of stairs running from imaginary spiders, and predict the straight up winner for your college bowl pool, (if we picked the dog to cover), then we'll here why we picked this way including special guest commentary from Richie Sexon and Adrian Beltre - saviors of the Mariners in the mid-2000s - for this first installment featuring the first ten bowl games.

Let's get right to it, like all loaded Latino players are getting right to signing with the Mets and Dodgers these days. Mets are becoming the New Yankees, the Latino Yanks if you will, much as the Red Sox are the white boy Yanks. Which is most despicable in a Yankees sort of way? The Red Sox of course, though not because of race, and I can't wait to see the Mets and Dodgers flounder this year too. When is Barry Bonds going to trial? Before or near the start of spring training I do believe. He's FUCKED, Michael Vick style. OJ did a real disservice to other athletes that didn't seem mainstream-America by getting away with capital murder red handed. If it wasn't for that, I doubt cases like Vick and Bonds would be so zealously pursued by prosecutors today who know mainstream America can't wait to crucify a rich black sports star. Believe it. Too bad Sammy Sosa can't spend the rest of his days in a Domincan jail for crimes totally unrelated to steroids like Ugueth Urbina who torched a farm worker! It's a crazy world and I'm just getting cash advances on credit cards to bet heavily on it.


EagleBank Bowl, RFK Stadium, Washington, DC, 11 am - Navy +3 @ Wake Forest.

• Adrian: I really like Wake, even though Navy beat Wake by a touchdown earlier in the season.
  
• Richie: Yes Adrian, the ACC has been remarkably inconsistent but we're dealing with an at times really good Wake team that has played both way up to and way down to their competition. Navy seemed to finish the year well and strong but Wake is just a better team and when it comes to the EagleBank Bowl, how could they not be fired up.
• Tim Donaghy: Guys, I lost nearly every single ACC game I bet on where I didn't purposefuly flip around what I thought was the correct pick. It was uncanny. As medicore as the ACC was, and inconsitent as it turned out to be each week, this was, after all, the league I followed most closely, never missing the Raycom 12pm game of the week. We are going with Navy here.
  
• Adrian: Sure thing compadre, and let's take Navy to win out and out as well.
  

New Mexico Bowl, University Stadium, Albuquerque, NM, 2:30pm - Fresno St. +3 @ Colorado St.

• Adrian: I'll admit I haven't seen either of these teams play so picking here is like me stepping up to the plate when I'm clueless as to what pitch is coming since I have a pea-sized baseball intellect.
• Richie: Following up Saturday morning's action on ESPN will be this game played from the high deserts of the Lobos field in Albuquerque, shithole of the high mid-Western plains. I'll probably be drunk already, however early, sitting around with David Wells and Kenny Rogers, reminiscing about the hilarious time this past year I fought with Texas even though I didn't actually get hit by a pitch. It was a cry for help to avoid being cut, Adrian.
  
• Tim Donaghy: Fresno St. beat UCLA and played tough to Wisconsin early in the year. Maybe that's why they are an atrocious 2-10 or so ATS this year! Still, Colorado St., .500 ATS, hasn't done shit asside from playing tough to BYU. Their victories have come against putrescent opponents in the MWC like Wyoming. We'll also take Fresno St. straight up to beat the Rams and the ghost of that one running back who was big there that one year.

Another week of gulasch, glop and connective tissue in a can

 Was 57-46-1... think I had another bad week - obvious lack of foresight put into these picks - times are lean. 

• Vikes -10.5 @ Lions
• Bengals +13 @  Colts
• Falcons +3 @ Saints
• Giants -7 vs. Eagles
• Green Bay -6 vs Houston
• Browns +14 @ Titans
• Bears -6.5 vs. Jags
• SF +3.5 vs. Jets - take that AFC East, you scum
• Pats -6 @ Seattle
• Broncs -9 vs. Chiefs
• Dolphins +1 @ Bills - love this pick
• Pitts -3 vs Dallas
• Baltimore -5 vs Wash
• TB +3 @ Carolina 

5-9, another ugly week. 62-55-1, barely able to cover the -110 commissions, if at all. Functionally under .500 with only three weeks to go I've hit a rut. Moving on...  This week's attempted theme is teams ATS records. And a new feature which I will run full time next year: highlighting the top 6 picks in blue. We'll see if I'm really just a shit picker or if I could be a better picker being more selective. 

• New Orleans +3 @ Chicago - I know the NFC South is bunk on the road, and the Saints consistently dissapoint, but is there a weaker team in the playoff hunt than Chicago right now? Please, no there isn't, or I don't eat tacos, taco salads, burritos, etc.  Ok, I didn't look, but now I did, and this pick is buyoed by New Orleans' 9-4 ATS record. Fuck Chicago. Lovie Smith and Kyle Orton will both find themselves out of a job eventually; if I was a Chi fan I'd hope it'd be at the end of this season. I really like this pick. 
• Greenbay -1.5 @ Jax - GB might still have a tad to play for right? Even if they don't...
• Indi -17 vs. Detroit - let's think about this for a bit. Detroit hasn't been blown out much at all, and Indi has blown out everyone. Indi can't really rest on it's laurels though with Baltimore and Pitts crushing it up - unless they want the last playoff spot, which is a Tony Dungyesque thing to want. Maybe Tony will just sit his starters right now, assured of the lowest spot. Got I hate Tony Dungy's style. Couldn't Peyton be served by a better coach? Did he waste his career under this chump? Both teams have gotten crushed by the spread this week. I'm so tempted to take Detroit but... No, no way. Indi by 24.
• Washington -7 @ Cinci - keep hope alive. Cinci putrescent. Washington just can't score points but Cinci might be the worst team in the league despite records? Another wildcard game considering both teams have gotten crushed by the spread this year indicating extreme inconsistency. Avoid this matchup.
• Atlanta -3 vs. Tampa - the home team prevails yet again in the NFC South. Atlanta looked great in a loss @ NO last week, and let's face it, Tampa's D got SMOOSHED last night @ Carolina but Garcia's kids were still very much in the game up until the last quarter... or were they. No they weren't. Look out, Tampa's stock in falling. They get two gimme games @ home to finish the season, and if/when they make the playoffs I'd be salivating to play them in the first round. 
• Miami -6.5 vs. SFO - this is a lot of points the way SF has been playing but Miami needs it and at home they get it. Miami's beating SF well this year in terms of ATS performance. Pick buyoed. 
• Jets -7 @ Buf - Jets might be fucking getting crumpled up like a grocery store brand soda can, but the Bills are playing along. Adios Bills. NFC East: most overrated conference in the NFL. No surprise why. It's always been a media darling, a close second to the NFC East. But the NFC East might just actually be worth a shit.
• Ten -3 @ Houston - not too convinced Houston is anything really. Ten never getting respect deserved. Easy pick for me here regardless of home field, momentum, need to win, whatever. Ten is a silly 11-1-1 ATS! Gimme a break Vegas. Time to eat some more free cash. PICK OF THE WEEK.
• Pit +2 @ Baltimore - let's not get carried away here. Struggles as they've had, Cowboys offense crushes Baltimore. Pits will handle it fine. Pitts offense troubled but we'll just see. This is a sketch pick and I love to bet against the Steelers but I think they'll win this one. Baltimore is gonna be lit up for a vic. here but I just don't see it comin', much as I'd like to.  Baltimore is really good ATS but I think Pits is gonna mean serious business here and the O is going to get their shit together. Still, avoid this matchup. 
• Carolina -7.5 vs. Denver - I continually hedge the Panthers pride by betting against them ATS. Denver is great on the road. Carolina is great at home. Carolina really needs this but will they be looking forward to next week @ Giants already? I just dunno. How is Denver's run D? It's bad. hmm. Nope, I'm sticking with Denver here. No wait I'm not. Edit: pick changed.  Wait, wait again. Who has Denver beat on the road this year? Atlanta by 4, Jets (looking shitty), and LOST @ KC. Fuck that. Carolina for sure. Was going to say avoid this pick due to Denver extreme schizophrenia, but more and more the Jets win is bunk, ATL abberation and the AFC West is just weak, weak sauce. 
  
• San Diego -5.5 @ KC - They still have hope. Blowout here. Although, KC is a surprising 7-5 ATS. Arrowhead is good to them right? Hmmmmmm. 
• New England -7 @ Oakland - strangely enough, Oakland would lose to the Seahawks by 14. Plus Seneca had a big game this week, Pats still pulled it out by 4. Like this pick.
• Dallas -3 vs. NYG - NYG in trouble? On the road? Dallas played a fucking sick Pitts D last week and Tashard Choice was still up to the task. NYG injured/shot etc. Look like Dallas has something to play for though their schedule is brutal. I like this one a bit, surprisingly. NYG choke city? 
• Cleveland +14 @ Philly - Philly please. They are NOT playing like the best team in the NFL previous 2 weeks. NYG folded and the victory over whoever it was the week before was BS too. Philly could be the ultimate darkhorse but they gotta show me more, a lot more.  Philly is surprisingly decent ATS but... Philly is 5-2 ATS at home lately, Cleveland 4-1 ATS on the road. Avoid this matchup, as with all 14 pts-esque lines in the NFL. 

Now to go back and highlight the matchups I truly believe are good... until then.  Seattle-St Louis and Minny-Ariz are off the board for now. More on that later or I'm not Gilbert Brown, the NFL's fattest (ex)-player.

50-58

A deplorable college result so far. 50-58. Picked games willy-nilly. Bet games I shouldn't have, didn't bet games I should have. Didn't watch enough sports. Run on sentences galore. 

Whatever here's some picks in the last week of the season pre-bowls - a bettor's feast, (the bowls, is that a split infinite/dangling participle or something?). 

Navy -10.5 @ Army

nope you know what im done with college - ill wait for the bowls and make some smart choices in an attempt to salvage the season....

Gross Eatin

Didnt get around to pickin all games last week, and I didn't pick'em good. I was planning on changing them and felt strange. Great stat courtesty of Bill Simmons - whom I usually dislike immensely due to his retarded movie references and Boston sports embarrasing sycophantism - that Home teams are basically dead ATS this year. It's an amazingly shocking record thats basically a .350 winning percentage. Taking the road team  accross the board ATS this year in the NFL would make you a rich gambler...  Anyway, on to the bets I did pen down without much thought early last week: 

• Tennesee -11 @ Detroit - Nothing like Detroit's horrendous, porous D to make Tennessee's offense look more than viable again. That reminds me, start Brandon Jones this week in fantasy. 
• Hawks +13 @ Dallas - just don't think Dallas is that good. We'll see. We'll see. Could switch this later in the week. 
• Cards +3 @ Eagles - don't think the Eagles have much of a chance here. I have been doing good betting against them. How are they ATS this year... Hmm actually they are 6-3-1 and the Cards are 3-6-1. Still like the Cards here.
• Ravens -7 @ Bengals
• Colts -4.5 @ Browns - wo hold on here. I just picked 5 road teams in a row? - I CANT BELIEVE THE COLTS WON BY ONLY 4!!! Creepy shit here. James Irsay!? 10-6? Really?
  
• Bills -7 vs 9ers - wow this is a tough line to handicap. Maybe ill switch this to 9ers later too. 
• Chargers -5 vs. Falcons - another toughee

• Chiefs +3 @ Oakland
• Pats -1 vs. Steelers
• Jets -7.5 vs. Broncs
• Vikes -3.5 vs. Bears

An ugly 4-7... the first losing week in weeks. Strange heads up results and bizzarre, un-thoughtout choices that seemed to defy my own will. Missed last nights game but let's recover shall we. 57-46-1...

• Vikes -10.5 @ Lions
• Bengals +13 @  Colts
• Falcons +3 @ Saints
• Giants -7 vs. Eagles
• Green Bay -6 vs Houston
• Browns +14 @ Titans
• Bears -6.5 vs. Jags
• SF +3.5 vs. Jets - take that AFC East, you scum
• Pats -6 @ Seattle
• Broncs -9 vs. Chiefs
• Dolphins +1 @ Bills - love this pick
• Pitts -3 vs Dallas
• Baltimore -5 vs Wash
• TB +3 @ Carolina 

nfl roundup

43-33-1 going in... and now... 10-6 before MNF to make 53-39-1. Not bad. Not bad at all. Would have never taken Oakland so I don't feel bad about that strange result. Panthers and Titans let me down but whatever, and the Hawks barely defended to fuck me over. San Diego continues to barely dissapoint and KC let me down against the monster Bills so I can't feel too bad about that strange matchup. Other than that a succesful week. 

• Add 1 Win for Monday Night. Never trust the Bills. Looked AWFUL and almost still won.
• Pit -10.5 vs. Cinci - Thanksgiving -1 week special. Strange that Pitt suddenly looks almost mediocre. But you can't argue that their D is tough like crazy tough. If the game is fixed like last week what can you do. I picked em. It cost me. Fuck it.
• Houston +3 @ Cleveland - I can't tell if it's the Texans, Colts, Browns or whoever that's two-faced. Well the Colts have to be. And the Browns just suck...
• KC +3 vs. Buff - KC is alive. The Bills are bad bad news. 
• Ten -4.5 vs. Jets. Very interesting matchup here. Jets look better than they really are lately though while the Titans continue to prove they are rock fucking solid.
• Pats +2 @ Miami - not even Cedric Cobbs will stop Bellicek her in a revenge game for the meanest coach in sport.
• Dallas -10.5 vs. SF - even though i honestly believe SF's offense is better than the Skins'
• Tampa -8.5 @ Detroit - dont like this one. D Cullpep is one of the daftest but also wiliest QBs out theya.
• Baltimore -1.5 vs Philly - like this one
• Chi -8.5 @ STL - I have no clue here. Bears could be one of the worst teams after all but I guess STL gave up.
• Minny +2.5 @ Jax - After last week Jax might roll over. They aint makin the playoffs...
• Carolina +1 @ Atl - coming into last week I would have taken Atlanta. Despite Carolina being really shitty actually I don't think ATL is really all we thought it was for a few weeks. Denver? At home? Come on. 
• Denver -9.5 vs. Oakland - duh.
• Wash -3.5 @ Seattle. The battle of Seattle.... Washington that is. You know, I doubt Zorn will call plays that allow the horrid Camble and the super overrated Camble to even score 4 pts. But if they have to win 4-0 they will. 
• Giants -3 @ Az - Giants have been to this stadium before right?
• San Diego -2.5 vs. Colts. Fuck the Colts. I hope they miss the playoffs along with the Pats.
• NO -2.5 vs. GB. 

And now...

• Tennesee -11 @ Detroit - Nothing like Detroit's horrendous, porous D to make Tennessee's offense look more than viable again. That reminds me, start Brandon Jones this week in fantasy. 
• Hawks +13 @ Dallas - just don't think Dallas is that good. We'll see. We'll see. Could switch this later in the week. 
• Cards +3 @ Eagles - don't think the Eagles have much of a chance here. I have been doing good betting against them. How are they ATS this year... Hmm actually they are 6-3-1 and the Cards are 3-6-1. Still like the Cards here.
• Ravens -7 @ Bengals
• Colts -4.5 @ Browns - wo hold on here. I just picked 5 road teams in a row?
• Bills -7 vs 9ers - wow this is a tough line to handicap. Maybe ill switch this to 9ers later too. 

• Chargers -5 vs. Falcons - another toughee
• Chiefs +3 @ Oakland
• Pats -1 vs. Steelers
• Jets -7.5 vs. Broncs
• Vikes -3.5 vs. Bears

More to come later. Had to jot first impressions down.

College Slaughterhouse

A deplorable 7-12 to head to 50-58 aka monkey-drawing-picks-out-of-hat territory. Did you see these crazy results though? Maryland getting squahsed? NC getting squashed? Notre Dame getting squashed? Texas Tech getting absolutely squashed, smooshed and demolished. Just wow. 

• GTech -3 vs. Miami - Note: this embellishment was written while my pick was Miami +3. If this deplorable squad (Miami) squanders the op. that's been given them in the whacky ACC, shame on them. Two thursday night games in a row. Looking to repeat against V Tech. V Tech tried to come back but I felt Miami won fair and square, no funny business. If this deplorable squad squanders this op. I'll say this: a new award will be created on this space. It will be called, (and yes I did have to look his name up though I recognized it of course), the Randy Shannon shitbag memorial trophy of the week.  Seriously I lose every fucking ACC game I ever pick, almost literally. G Tech looked like shit against Carolina. Miami is coming up. You know what? I am terrible at the ACC. I pick G Tech. Miami has a proud history of coaches. Larry Coker, Dennis E., Jimmy J., Butch D f/ghost of Cleveland Dogs, etc.  Randy Shannon wins the ACC this year or has a new award named after him, one he doesn't want. Frank Beemer's huge goiter-esque thingy looks on salivating. Maryland's huge fat coach is on point now though. 
• Pitt +5 @ Cinci - I haven't watched but a bit of the Big East all year. I just feel like I will never trust the Bearcats. I sure as shit don't want to see them in a BCS bowl. One thing that would fix the BCC, end auto-conference associations except for the rose bowl. That way the horrid ACC and horrid Big East can just take the Orange Bowl to themselves, or the fucking Fiesta for all I care. 
• Boston College +1.5 @ Wake - in the tradition of getting raped in the ACC, Im taking BC here cause I wanted to take Wake. 
• Indiana +12.5 @ Purdue - in a game sure to be featured on the Big Ten Network's 2nd alternate channel @ noon Eastern on DirecTv, I have NO clue. Indiana I guess. 
• Ohio St. -20.5 vs. Big Michigan. I love this pick. I think it will be an ugly blowout by at least 35. 
• Duke +17 @ V Tech - Duke failed to defend a monster spread @ pitiful Clemson this week but I dont think Beemer's goiter-esque neck thingy is capable of scoring enough to cover here. 
• Maryland -1.5 vs. FSU - have you seen Maryland's ground game? Impressive. 
• NC -11 vs. NCSU
• KSU -10 vs. Ames' Boys in the Big XII North
• Vandy -3 vs. Vols
• Miss St. Pick Em vs. Arkansas
• Notre Dame -19.5 vs. Syracuse. Yes Im picking ND to cover 20 pts! Hard to believe.
• UW -7.5 @ Wazzu - the saddest Apple Cup EVER!? Undoubtedly. Tyronne Willinghams last game thank christ. 
• TTech +7 @ OU!?!?!?! Really? REALLY?! 7 Pts!? No fucking way. Im honestly shocked at this line.
• Spartans +14.5 @ Penn St. REALLYY?!?!?!?!? No fucking way. Im honestly surprised. 
• Virginia +2.5 vs Clemson
• Stanford +9 @ Cal - the Big Game should be good this year
• Utah -6.5 vs. BYU - Go Utes. Fuck BYU - worst college in the country. 
• Oregon St. +3 @ Arizona - this is for the Rose Bowl Kids. They are not going to fuck up in Tucson.

Predictions Galore and NCAAB begins

NCAA basketball. You gotta love it. A bettor's feast. A TV-viewing treat 3-5 days a week. I don't have FSN NW this year to follow my ham-bacon and eggs biscuit staple Pac 10, featuring a can-ham feast, but I'm now in the heart of ACC country and the Big East will be in the mix here I'm sure too. In any case it's just too early to bet on games now with any regularity. If I did bet, (and I don't bet anyway...), it would be targeted exploit matchups but I'm not ready to start my running count. In any case let's watch some games, (there on all day today on ESPN), and start getting ready to bet in a few weeks. Really though it won't be until conference play begins that betting action heats up. That's not til after the new year right? Maybe not that long... One random note: why is the Great Alaska shootout so devoid of teams this year? Really went downhill.  

On a sad note this is the last regular week of College Football. Bowl games are a bettors favorite time of year, and we still have the conference championship games, but this is it for big time spread action like a huge hoagie with canned ham, canned meat and several eggs. No, I would not fuck Dana Jacobson, co-host of ESPN2 space-filler "First Take." Now eat some ham, but don't let it end in a tie? What you say? It can't end in a tie. At least I didn't know it could. Are we really making more out of this than we should? I don't think so.  It probably wouldn't really matter but think of this. Risk throwing an INT? Risk throwing a random long ball? Risk well.... yeah I don't think it does matter actually. I mean when would you consciously say, for example, 'I'm not going to attempt this pass because It's too risky, could be returned for a TD, and rather than that I'll take another 50/50 shot in the next OT.' That wouldn't happen. Because any play that McNabb might have acted differently on still would not have exposed him to as much risk as losing the coinflip in the next OT. And as it was the game didn't end in such a fashion. And as it was the bottom line is we just think McNabb is stupid. Which he is I guess. But in pracitce it didn't matter. Now go eat some fucking soup Douchnab McNugget. Chunky! 

Alright I'm going to try and reason these out more than I normally do. Probably a bad thing. Go with the gut, since the gut is usually right for me since I've had years to internalize my maxims when it comes to betting... right... like a hotdog is right without mayonaise on it fuckos. 

• GTech -3 vs. Miami - Note: this embellishment was written while my pick was Miami +3. If this deplorable squad (Miami) squanders the op. that's been given them in the whacky ACC, shame on them. Two thursday night games in a row. Looking to repeat against V Tech. V Tech tried to come back but I felt Miami won fair and square, no funny business. If this deplorable squad squanders this op. I'll say this: a new award will be created on this space. It will be called, (and yes I did have to look his name up though I recognized it of course), the Randy Shannon shitbag memorial trophy of the week.  Seriously I lose every fucking ACC game I ever pick, almost literally. G Tech looked like shit against Carolina. Miami is coming up. You know what? I am terrible at the ACC. I pick G Tech. Miami has a proud history of coaches. Larry Coker, Dennis E., Jimmy J., Butch D f/ghost of Cleveland Dogs, etc.  Randy Shannon wins the ACC this year or has a new award named after him, one he doesn't want. Frank Beemer's huge goiter-esque thingy looks on salivating. Maryland's huge fat coach is on point now though. 
• Pitt +5 @ Cinci - I haven't watched but a bit of the Big East all year. I just feel like I will never trust the Bearcats. I sure as shit don't want to see them in a BCS bowl. One thing that would fix the BCC, end auto-conference associations except for the rose bowl. That way the horrid ACC and horrid Big East can just take the Orange Bowl to themselves, or the fucking Fiesta for all I care. 
• Boston College +1.5 @ Wake - in the tradition of getting raped in the ACC, Im taking BC here cause I wanted to take Wake. 
• Indiana +12.5 @ Purdue - in a game sure to be featured on the Big Ten Network's 2nd alternate channel @ noon Eastern on DirecTv, I have NO clue. Indiana I guess. 
• Ohio St. -20.5 vs. Big Michigan. I love this pick. I think it will be an ugly blowout by at least 35. 
• Duke +17 @ V Tech - Duke failed to defend a monster spread @ pitiful Clemson this week but I dont think Beemer's goiter-esque neck thingy is capable of scoring enough to cover here. 
• Maryland -1.5 vs. FSU - have you seen Maryland's ground game? Impressive. 
• NC -11 vs. NCSU
• KSU -10 vs. Ames' Boys in the Big XII North
• Vandy -3 vs. Vols
• Miss St. Pick Em vs. Arkansas
• Notre Dame -19.5 vs. Syracuse. Yes Im picking ND to cover 20 pts! Hard to believe.
• UW -7.5 @ Wazzu - the saddest Apple Cup EVER!? Undoubtedly. Tyronne Willinghams last game thank christ. 
• TTech +7 @ OU!?!?!?! Really? REALLY?! 7 Pts!? No fucking way. Im honestly shocked at this line.
• Spartans +14.5 @ Penn St. REALLYY?!?!?!?!? No fucking way. Im honestly surprised. 
• Virginia +2.5 vs Clemson
• Stanford +9 @ Cal - the Big Game should be good this year
• Utah -6.5 vs. BYU - Go Utes. Fuck BYU - worst college in the country. 
• Oregon St. +3 @ Arizona - this is for the Rose Bowl Kids. They are not going to fuck up in Tucson.

NFL City Time Boys City

• Add 1 Win for Monday Night. Never trust the Bills. Looked AWFUL and almost still won.
• Pit -10.5 vs. Cinci - Thanksgiving -1 week special. Strange that Pitt suddenly looks almost mediocre. But you can't argue that their D is tough like crazy tough. If the game is fixed like last week what can you do. I picked em. It cost me. Fuck it.
• Houston +3 @ Cleveland - I can't tell if it's the Texans, Colts, Browns or whoever that's two-faced. Well the Colts have to be. And the Browns just suck...
• KC +3 vs. Buff - KC is alive. The Bills are bad bad news. 
• Ten -4.5 vs. Jets. Very interesting matchup here. Jets look better than they really are lately though while the Titans continue to prove they are rock fucking solid.
• Pats +2 @ Miami - not even Cedric Cobbs will stop Bellicek her in a revenge game for the meanest coach in sport.
• Dallas -10.5 vs. SF - even though i honestly believe SF's offense is better than the Skins'
• Tampa -8.5 @ Detroit - dont like this one. D Cullpep is one of the daftest but also wiliest QBs out theya.
• Baltimore -1.5 vs Philly - like this one
• Chi -8.5 @ STL - I have no clue here. Bears could be one of the worst teams after all but I guess STL gave up.
• Minny +2.5 @ Jax - After last week Jax might roll over. They aint makin the playoffs...
• Carolina +1 @ Atl - coming into last week I would have taken Atlanta. Despite Carolina being really shitty actually I don't think ATL is really all we thought it was for a few weeks. Denver? At home? Come on. 
• Denver -9.5 vs. Oakland - duh.
• Wash -3.5 @ Seattle. The battle of Seattle.... Washington that is. You know, I doubt Zorn will call plays that allow the horrid Camble and the super overrated Camble to even score 4 pts. But if they have to win 4-0 they will. 
• Giants -3 @ Az - Giants have been to this stadium before right?
• San Diego -2.5 vs. Colts. Fuck the Colts. I hope they miss the playoffs along with the Pats.
• NO -2.5 vs. GB. 

Football City featuring Tim Donaghy's brother, Mike Singleterry Donaghy

From Last week, I lost the Cards MNF game... and now...

Jets +3 @ Foxboro - this is a big game where Mangini finally makes the crossest coach in sports, Bill Asshole, start to feel insecure. As long as Brett doesn't throw 3 INTs I like this. At least it'll be close right? 1 Blunt Pick.

Atl -5.5 vs. Denver - Denver is so poor and will give up lots of points. 5.5 is a lot for a team like Atlanta but how else could it turn out. Atlanta will win by 7 at a minimum. 3 Blunt Pick.

Miami -10.5 vs Oaktown - Miami's offense isn't great. But on the road, Oakland's putrescent offense will be lucky to score 3 pts. Ricky Williams alone will outscore Oaks by 14. 2 Blunt Pick.

Indi -8.5 vs. Houston - Indiapolis seems to finally have hit their stride while Houston rots. Blowout city. Pick of the week right here.  Pick Of the Week. 4 Blunt Pick.

Tenn -3 @ Jax - Jeff Fisher's boring squad has to lose sometime this season right? Actually let's take a peak at their schedule... after this one and the Jets, they have Detroit, Cleveland and Houston! Wow. Shoudl be undefeated until the Pits and Colts games at the end of the year by which time they will have clinched home field. Will Jeff Fish shut down ala Dungy and lose in the first round? No way, he's way to smart for that. Will Tennessee just get tired on their own and fade down the stretch? Perhaps. This week though, although Jax really woke up last week, is not going to be any different than before. D Gerrard, the fattest QB in the NFL, is hot. But Jax's season is OVER. 2 Blunt Pick.

New Orleans -5 @ Kc - I'm not sure what to make of this. New Orleans consistently underperforms. To me they should be capable of beating any team in the NFL on a given day but they just never do. I guess the loss of Bush really hurt them. This one seems like such an obvious laugher but KC is better in the last couple weeks. I can't take KC though, and I won't here. Can't believe Herman Warfare isn't fired yet. 1 Blunt Pick.

Detroit +14.5 @ Carolina - wait ive picked 6 faves in a row.... Ok Im switching this. I'll take Detroit. Detroit is going to have a decent game eventually, even though the Culppeper experiment was already given up on, my and Carolina's offense might still be slow from last week's shit show. I don't think there's any argument against my belief that Carolina's performance was the single worst performance by a winning team in NFL histroy, and they won by more than a TD. Don't pull that shit on detroit. How does Carolina get to play the 2 worst teams in the NFL in the last 5 years back to back? 1 Blunt Pick. (As all picks should be with such a huge spread.)

Tampa -4 vs. Minny - the DFAMWI pick o' the week. 1 Blunt Pick. 

Pitt -4 vs. SD - From earlier:  "obviously this isnt going to work, picking all faves. We'll have to make some changes. Let me watch some highlights and get back to you later in the week when I pick for the other games where the lines aint yet just quite released....." Still I can't change this pick. 1 Blunt Pick.

Eagles -9 @ Bengals - another favorite here. Hmmmmm. I was doing so good picking bad teams to cover earlier in the year. Maybe Vegas got wind of this and shrank lines. I just can't pick any of these dogs this week. Cinci is not going to get up for this challenge. Isn't Palmer out for the season or something? Did Cinci have a bye this past week? they are horrible!!!!!! 2 Blunt Pick.

Giants -5.5 vs Ravens - ah another attractive favorite. I bet the GMen are crushing the spread this year, lemme check... Ah yes, 7-2, as are the Ravens. Wow. Hmmm. Take the GMen here. Ravens to me still aren't for real. But wait, they have to be. Ok, let's look at their schedule... Quite an enigma. Blown out by the Colts. Barely losing to the Titans and Steelers. Then crushing tons of other teams. This is an easy one here. GMen. Or is it? Could it be close? This is the game of the week.  1 Blunt Pick.

Rams +6.5 @ 9ers - Singleterry has a team full of losers and he is an enthusiastic idiot. I couldn't believe the atrocious lack of game management he displayed last week. It was embarrasing. Rams are terrible but the Jets game was a fluke. 9ers might cover here despite themselves but good luck trying. 1 Blunt Pick. 

Cards -3 @ Hawks. Hawks, hawks, hawks. How has the spread treated you this year? i bet you're awful against it, slighted as you are even when you're good... Ah, they're 4-5 and im impressed. Hassleback is back. Branch is back. They will lose anyway. Im desparate for Dogs and Im not taking the Hawks at home. 

Redskins +2 vs. Boys - I need a dog. Ill take a home dog here even though I continue to think Zorn's kids are extremely overrated. Jason Camble got fucking destroyed by a Pitts team that can't beat Indi and might not be that good. Well, their defense is undeniably good but still... 1 Blunt Pick. 

and you need only look below to see that I totally did not see the Bears blowout coming so that's a -1....

Thus counting last MNF and not this pending one, this week was 7-9. A down week was bound to come and 7-9 isn't a disaster. 

Total so far then is... 41-33-1.  This week was goofy. I didn't like most of the matchups and the results were all over the board, SU and ATS. Let's see if my high confidence picks, as now rated by the blunt system, faired... I only rated 4 games over zero confidence. Of the two one I was most confident of, ATL over Denver and Indi over Houston, I got SMOOSHED. Oh well, so much for the blunt system. I smoked it, it's gone. 

And now to college.Remember, I went all out and just bet tons of games hoping to be a luckbox and get above 500. Little analysis went into these picks. Let's see what happened.  33-37 has turned into...

• Miami -4 vs. V Tech - hoping for Miami SU win to power UNC to a potential ACC championship. This is a good matchup. Freakish, and weird, but still too good to deny, like this, and I don't ever usually link to anything. 
• Indiana +34 @ Penn St.
• Northwestern +3 @ Michigan - as I suspected before I looked, UMich is dreadful against the spread. I bet on most all the top 25 games and I'm not strategic since this is just for fun. If I was, this is the kind of place you can make a killing on college football - fan bases must bet a lot blindly on college football beacuse certain teams are just awful ATS in NCFB. 
• Minnesota +13.5 @ Wisc.
• Wake -4 @ NC St. - Wake is currently at the top of the ACC. 
• Duke +11.5 @ Clemson
• UNC -2.5 @ Maryland
• Navy +3 vs. Notre Dame
• Miss St. +19 @ Bama
• Kentucky -5 vs. Vandy
• Texas -13 @ Kansas - fatso Mangini has lost control of his post-Orangle Bowl ship in Lawrence.
• Mizzou -26.5 @ Iowa St. Cyclones, Ames, IA
• Cal +2 @ Beaves
• Oregon -3.5 vs. AZ
• UCLA -7.5 @ UW
• Auburn +8 vs. Georgia
• BYU -4 @ Airforce
• Stanford +23 vs. USC
• Ok St. -17.5 @ Colorado

Wow the ACC fucked me up. It's the conference I've watched most widely this year and I lost each matchup I bet on. Fucking zany mediocre conference. 10-9 making 43-46.

Stay tuned for picks for next week today.

Bonus Pick - louts of the NFC Norriss

Somehow I didn't pick Chicago @ Greenbay. GB is -3.5 I noticed on ESPN's score page they have something called the "In" Line that is supposed to be some non-gambling related spread? Interesting cause they have this game at even. I'm too lazy to look if the rest of the spread-like figures are anywhere near vegas or onlines numbers. Ok, let's do one more for curiosities sake - nope, both games i surveyed has espn picking the favorites on the line but by far less. Interesting.

In any case I don't like this game at all. It feels like every fucking week at the sportsbar I go to I get stuck watching these two teams with all the NFC North rowdies who somehow I've found although I'm somewhere in Los Carolinas. They cheer voraciously, obnoxiously, drunkenly, although usually one of the teams is playing Detroit and they don't, (read: shouldn't) even get a sweat. It's also 1pm, I'm usually severely hungover, and wanting to hear sound on a game that actually matters. I've seen these fucking two teams play a lot in the past couple weeks and I just have no fucking clue how to pick this. Gut instinct says to take da Bears? Is Orton coming back this week? Does it matter? Let me take a quick look at the Bodog matchup page here... doo-d00-doo... Why does the font change randomly on blogger?... Oh indeed, how could I forget. Last week was the Minny game where Frerotte kept a putrid GB in the game but then Minny won anyway by 1. Similarly the Bears did decently, but did not defend the spread, against the Titans in Chicago. Well... I guess I still like Chicago. Both teams are roughly .500 ATS. Overall GB just doesn't seem to be playing as well lately. You know, both teams seem really equal in way - suck ass against detroit, lose equally to Titans, etc. But GB, really, just really doesn't look like a good team at all. Who have they beat? No one since the Suckhawks, and that is no one at all.

Chicago +3.5 @ GB - 2 blunt pick.

Worst Commercial Ever

As I sit watching sports all day on DirecTV I see the same fucking commercials. Over. And over. And Over again. I criticize most heavily - outloud. I hate almost all of them. Yet there is one commercial, one disgusting commercial, which truly enrages me. It shames me. It defeats me. It sours me - a lot.

Garmin. A Garmin commercial for GPS. It's Xmas themed. Stupid christmas carrol in my face. Fuck this commercial. Fuck it so much. The lady's singing voice makes my blood boil. It embarrases me for life. End it all now. If my finger was on the button, I'd have to push it if this commercial came on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXL1Nfe_Cxk - I won't embed it out of respect for this blog. Searching on Youtube made me realize they had this type of commercial last year too, I remember it now. Last year's version was similar but not quite as bad owing to the different female vocal track this year.

NFL

Didn't get around to picking all NFL yet, and I didn't like the pic I made and didn't embellish them. So let's continue the wonderful run of the last 2 weeks. I'm adding a feature to this week since I like so many fucking favorites. Please note the confidence factor related "blunt" rating. 4 blunts is an extremely confident pick that might not even come around some weeks, 2 blunts and average, difficult pick, 1 blunt a tossup/avoid pick. 3 blunts is a very solid pick. I must, have to, need to, ween myself from some of these favorites and change picks despite my best instincts. 

Jets +3 @ Foxboro - this is a big game where Mangini finally makes the crossest coach in sports, Bill Asshole, start to feel insecure. As long as Brett doesn't throw 3 INTs I like this. At least it'll be close right? 1 Blunt Pick.

Atl -5.5 vs. Denver - Denver is so poor and will give up lots of points. 5.5 is a lot for a team like Atlanta but how else could it turn out. Atlanta will win by 7 at a minimum. 3 Blunt Pick.

Miami -10.5 vs Oaktown - Miami's offense isn't great. But on the road, Oakland's putrescent offense will be lucky to score 3 pts. Ricky Williams alone will outscore Oaks by 14. 2 Blunt Pick.

Indi -8.5 vs. Houston - Indiapolis seems to finally have hit their stride while Houston rots. Blowout city. Pick of the week right here.  Pick Of the Week. 4 Blunt Pick.

Tenn -3 @ Jax - Jeff Fisher's boring squad has to lose sometime this season right? Actually let's take a peak at their schedule... after this one and the Jets, they have Detroit, Cleveland and Houston! Wow. Shoudl be undefeated until the Pits and Colts games at the end of the year by which time they will have clinched home field. Will Jeff Fish shut down ala Dungy and lose in the first round? No way, he's way to smart for that. Will Tennessee just get tired on their own and fade down the stretch? Perhaps. This week though, although Jax really woke up last week, is not going to be any different than before. D Gerrard, the fattest QB in the NFL, is hot. But Jax's season is OVER. 2 Blunt Pick.

New Orleans -5 @ Kc - I'm not sure what to make of this. New Orleans consistently underperforms. To me they should be capable of beating any team in the NFL on a given day but they just never do. I guess the loss of Bush really hurt them. This one seems like such an obvious laugher but KC is better in the last couple weeks. I can't take KC though, and I won't here. Can't believe Herman Warfare isn't fired yet. 1 Blunt Pick.

Detroit +14.5 @ Carolina - wait ive picked 6 faves in a row.... Ok Im switching this. I'll take Detroit. Detroit is going to have a decent game eventually, even though the Culppeper experiment was already given up on, my and Carolina's offense might still be slow from last week's shit show. I don't think there's any argument against my belief that Carolina's performance was the single worst performance by a winning team in NFL histroy, and they won by more than a TD. Don't pull that shit on detroit. How does Carolina get to play the 2 worst teams in the NFL in the last 5 years back to back? 1 Blunt Pick. (As all picks should be with such a huge spread.)

Tampa -4 vs. Minny - the DFAMWI pick o' the week. 1 Blunt Pick. 

Pitt -4 vs. SD - From earlier:  "obviously this isnt going to work, picking all faves. We'll have to make some changes. Let me watch some highlights and get back to you later in the week when I pick for the other games where the lines aint yet just quite released....." Still I can't change this pick. 1 Blunt Pick.

Eagles -9 @ Bengals - another favorite here. Hmmmmm. I was doing so good picking bad teams to cover earlier in the year. Maybe Vegas got wind of this and shrank lines. I just can't pick any of these dogs this week. Cinci is not going to get up for this challenge. Isn't Palmer out for the season or something? Did Cinci have a bye this past week? they are horrible!!!!!! 2 Blunt Pick.

Giants -5.5 vs Ravens - ah another attractive favorite. I bet the GMen are crushing the spread this year, lemme check... Ah yes, 7-2, as are the Ravens. Wow. Hmmm. Take the GMen here. Ravens to me still aren't for real. But wait, they have to be. Ok, let's look at their schedule... Quite an enigma. Blown out by the Colts. Barely losing to the Titans and Steelers. Then crushing tons of other teams. This is an easy one here. GMen. Or is it? Could it be close? This is the game of the week.  1 Blunt Pick.

Rams +6.5 @ 9ers - Singleterry has a team full of losers and he is an enthusiastic idiot. I couldn't believe the atrocious lack of game management he displayed last week. It was embarrasing. Rams are terrible but the Jets game was a fluke. 9ers might cover here despite themselves but good luck trying. 1 Blunt Pick. 

Cards -3 @ Hawks. Hawks, hawks, hawks. How has the spread treated you this year? i bet you're awful against it, slighted as you are even when you're good... Ah, they're 4-5 and im impressed. Hassleback is back. Branch is back. They will lose anyway. Im desparate for Dogs and Im not taking the Hawks at home. 

Redskins +2 vs. Boys - I need a dog. Ill take a home dog here even though I continue to think Zorn's kids are extremely overrated. Jason Camble got fucking destroyed by a Pitts team that can't beat Indi and might not be that good. Well, their defense is undeniably good but still... 1 Blunt Pick. 

Browns +5 @ Bills - ditto. Bills are HORRIBLE. Quinn looked good last week. 2 Blunt Pick. 

NFL Killing Continues

I am doing some sick things to the spread lately in the NFL. If real money was at stake and I was betting 100 pts a game or something I'd have enough for a new flat screen and some beer.  Considering the nature of the spread, I'm doing outlandishly well, amazing on the scale of the other-wordly size of the boobies on the Sports By Brooks Girls. 

Coming into last week I was 25-20-1 afer a nice 9-2 last week. Not quite as good this week but still, with 9-4, up to a sweet looking 34-24-1. 

Redskins -2 vs. Steelers - I need Randle-El to come through with 3 fantasy pts tonight. Maybe he'll get 20 yds on a reverse and a few nice receptions. Prolly not. A TD would be golden. 

Broncs +3 @ Browns - what a stinker to open up TNF. I don't like this pick. I have 0 confidence in either team. Could the AFC West actually be worse than the NFC West? Wait til the end of the season to mock me for saying that. 

Detroit +7 vs. Jax - you just keep thinking Jax will turn it around. I haven't seen them play this year. Detroit might sneak out there first win here, or they might lose by 50. Another line I really don't like. 

NE -4 vs Buf

New Orleans Pick Em @ ATL - I like this line. Falcons O cannot keep up. 

St Louis +8 @ Jets. AFC East is so week this year it's silly. 

Seattle +9.5 @ Miami. Ditto. Sea is terrible on the road, particularly the East Coast. And we don't need to get into a discussion about the general shortcomings they have faced this season but I just don't see Miami blowing them out. No fucking way. 

GB +2 @ Minny - the DFAMWI Pick O' the Week. 

Carolina -9.5 @ Oakland. Did you fucking see what ATL did to the pathetic raiders? I love this line. LOVE it. 9.5 on the road is really tough in the NFL, rarely happens, but I still love this line like I will love it when Romeo Crenel chokes on a donut during a game. 

Kansas City +14 @ SD - I herm shows balls and pulls out some nothing-to-lose trick plays again this week, SD will have a tought time blowing them out by 15 or more. Maybe not though, this pick is subject to change. KC showed me last week that they are HORRIBLE even in fucking up the spread as they did to my advantage.

Giants +2.5 @ Philly - love this line too. Fuck fatso Reid - terrible father he is.

Baltimore +1.5 @ Houston 

Titan -3 @ Bear f/Rex Grosso-mosso's Pussyboys and my least favorite (increasingly) NFL coach Lover Smythe (Steve Smith NYG 2nd cousin thrice removed)

I'll chalk tonights pick onto next week...

Cards -9.5 vs. SF 49ers

and make a few more... Since I have been doing so good the last 2 weeks, lets take a quick look at how my victories broke down. Again, I was 18-6 over the last 2 weeks. 

The six losses ATS?: 

• home dogs - 1
• road dogs - 1
• home faves - 3
• road faves - 0 
• road pick ems - 1

A nice spread of losses generally but indicative of an overestimation of the home underdog to cover. But wait, not a single home dog did cover this week... so grain of salt... or?

The eighteen wins ATS?: 

• home dogs - 2
• road dogs - 8
• home faves - 3
• road faves - 5

Road dogs doing good... home dogs not so good. Looks like Vegas is overestimating home field advantage. I'm going to ignore this analysis for my upcoming picks.

Worth noting that in the games over the last 2 weeks on which I bet on faves were 10-13 in general against dogs, with one pick em game going to the home squad...

• Jets +3 @ Foxboro - this is a big game where Mangini finally makes the crossest coach in sports, Bill Asshole, start to feel insecure. 
• Atl -5.5 vs. Denver
• Miami -10.5 vs Oaktown
• Indi -8.5 vs. Houston
• Tenn -3 @ Jax
• New Orleans -5 @ Kc
• Carolina -14.5 vs. Detroit - wait ive picked 6 faves in a row....
• Tampa -4 vs. Minny
• Pitt -4 vs. SD - obviously this isnt going to work, picking all faves. We'll have to make some changes. Let me watch some highlights and get back to you later in the week when I pick for the other games where the lines aint yet just quite released. 

ncfb crisis

Wow what a shit week in NCFB. Was was 26-29-0, now 33-37-0. 

• Northwestern +11 vs. Ohio St.
• Duke -4.5 vs. NC St.
• Virginia +4 @ Wake
• G Tech +4.5 @ UNC
• Texas Tech -3 vs. Oklahoma St.
• Florida -23.5 @ Vandy
• Georgia -10 @ Kentucky
• Oklahoma -23 @ Texas A & M
• K St +26 @ Mizzou
• Az St. -14 @ UW
• Arizona -40 @ Wazzu
• Pitt -6.5 vs. Louisville
• Oregon -13 vs. Stanford
• Bama -3.5 @ LSU
• Penn St. -7.5 @ Iowa

Here's next week picks already. I need to bet on a shit load of games as the season waynes hoping to recoup losses. If I had an intern I'd have them tally up my records ATS per conference and see which one I seemed to know best. 

• Miami -4 vs. V Tech - hoping for Miami SU win to power UNC to a potential ACC championship. This is a good matchup. Freakish, and weird, but still too good to deny, like this, and I don't ever usually link to anything. 
• Indiana +34 @ Penn St.
• Northwestern +3 @ Michigan - as I suspected before I looked, UMich is dreadful against the spread. I bet on most all the top 25 games and I'm not strategic since this is just for fun. If I was, this is the kind of place you can make a killing on college football - fan bases must bet a lot blindly on college football beacuse certain teams are just awful ATS in NCFB. 
• Minnesota +13.5 @ Wisc.
• Wake -4 @ NC St. - Wake is currently at the top of the ACC. 
• Duke +11.5 @ Clemson
• UNC -2.5 @ Maryland
• Navy +3 vs. Notre Dame
• Miss St. +19 @ Bama
• Kentucky -5 vs. Vandy
• Texas -13 @ Kansas - fatso Mangini has lost control of his post-Orangle Bowl ship in Lawrence.
• Mizzou -26.5 @ Iowa St. Cyclones, Ames, IA
• Cal +2 @ Beaves
• Oregon -3.5 vs. AZ
• UCLA -7.5 @ UW
• Auburn +8 vs. Georgia
• BYU -4 @ Airforce
• Stanford +23 vs. USC
• Ok St. -17.5 @ Colorado